This guide walks you through giving her an erotic massage for her pleasure — from setting the mood to a satisfying happy ending.
Sometimes a long and stressful week at work can make it really difficult for you to get into the mood. Foreplay can help to relax a little, but the best thing you can do to help ease your partner’s stress is to treat her to an erotic massage.
Erotic massages are not only fun to receive but they are also a lot of fun to give. You get to slowly tease your partner and drive them wild with your hands. You get to watch their body react to every little touch. It’ll get you both in the mood and help her unwind after work!
But how do you give her the ultimate erotic massage? Well, you can start by following our tips below.
Set the mood
As nice as it would be for your partner to immediately strip for their massage, you are going to have to help ease them into it. This involves setting the mood, and you can do this in a number of different ways.
For a start, get them to enjoy a nice long bath. A hot bath will help to relax their aching muscles and give them a chance to unwind. It also gives you the time you need to prepare the bedroom for them.
Get some candles to light around the room. If you don’t want to risk an open flame, you can buy battery-powered “candles” which look just as good, without the risk of burning. However, getting actual candles means you can fill the room with a gorgeous scent to help relax them. Make sure you go for a subtle smell. You don’t want anything over powering.
You should also play some music. You can use services like Spotify to create your own playlist, but if you don’t pay for the service you’ll get irritating adverts in the middle of your massage. It can really take you out of the moment, so perhaps pull up a video on YouTube with relaxing music and no adverts. It means you don’t have to worry about changing the song at all!
When they do get out of the bath, turn down the lights and ask them to lie on the bed. Then the massage can start!
Start off slow
To begin with, this shouldn’t be a massage to turn them on. That comes later. In the early stages, you simply want to get your partner as relaxed as possible, and there are a few different techniques you can do for this.
Keep your palm flat at first. You can slide it slowly all over their body, from fingertips all the way to their toes. This will help them to unwind, as well as get used to your hands on them.
When you are ready, you can then start to work your thumbs and fingers into the knots of their body. Start at the top and work your way down, moving slow, firm circles as you do. Don’t press too hard as this could cause pain. Instead you want to put them totally at ease, so moving slowly and steadily across their body is going to work much better.
When you are simply helping them to relax, you want to avoid the more sensitive areas of their body. Don’t touch their ass or tits until you are sure that they are properly relaxed and ready for what you have in mind next.
The erotic massage
When you have decided that it is time to give them a truly erotic massage, you can then start to change the way you are touching them. Instead of firm touches with your hands, go for light ones with your fingertips.
Trail your fingers teasingly over their body, pausing close to their more sensitive areas. Do this over their body a few times until they start breathing heavily or moving against you. This is a sign that they are ready for you to do more.
Now you can start to touch them where they are most sensitive. Start with their boobs. You want to slowly rub them, letting your fingers get very close to the nipple without touching. This will drive them wild and have them moaning in no time at all. When their nipples are hard, you can then stroke them, pinching them hard between your fingers.
With one hand there, you can slowly trail your other down to their pussy. As with their tits you don’t want to touch their clit or pussy lips just yet. Gently circle them to drive her wild and when you think she is desperate for more, give her what she wants. The slow seduction of this erotic massage will have her dripping wet.
A happy ending!
If you really want to make it memorable, you can give her one hell of a happy ending. When your hands have done all they can in this erotic massage you can then move between her legs, lowering your lips to her cunt.
As with the rest of the massage, go slow. You don’t want to rush this. The longer and more intense the build up, the bigger her orgasm will be. It will feel more satisfying for her and be incredible for you, especially when you have worked so hard at giving her the ultimate erotic massage.
Got some other tips you want to share? Leave a comment in the box below.
Read about How To Give her an Amazing Oral Sex
Pressure Points for Arousal
Your body has specific points where focused pressure triggers a cascade of relaxation and arousal. Knowing where these points are turns an ordinary massage into something that systematically primes her body for sexual response. These aren’t mystical energy points — they’re areas with high nerve density that connect to the parasympathetic nervous system and erogenous zones.
Start with the sacrum — the flat, triangular bone at the base of her spine, just above the tailbone. This area sits directly over the nerve bundle that feeds sensation to the genitals. Use your palm to apply steady, warm pressure here, then make slow circles. Spend at least two minutes on this area. Many women report feeling a warmth spreading to their pelvis during sacral massage, and there’s a physiological reason: you’re stimulating the same nerve pathways that activate during arousal.
The inner thighs are another high-impact zone. The adductor muscles here carry tension that, when released, increases blood flow to the genitals. Use your thumbs to work slowly up the inner thigh from just above the knee toward the groin — but stop a few inches short of the vulva. This teasing proximity builds anticipation while the muscle release physically increases engorgement. Repeat this stroke six to eight times on each leg, getting slightly closer each time but never quite arriving.
The nape of the neck and the spot just behind the earlobes are directly connected to arousal circuitry. Light, slow thumb circles at the base of the skull where the neck muscles attach to the occipital bone release tension that most people carry without realizing it. Follow this with gentle fingertip strokes down the sides of the neck and behind the ears. These areas are thin-skinned with dense nerve networks, making them extremely responsive to light touch. Many women find neck and ear stimulation more immediately arousing than more obviously sexual touch.
The lower abdomen, about two inches below the navel, is a pressure point used in several bodywork traditions to increase pelvic circulation. Place your palm flat against this area and apply gentle, steady pressure while breathing with her. Hold for thirty seconds to a minute. This isn’t about deep massage — it’s about warmth and sustained pressure that draws her awareness to her core. It’s a subtle technique, but it creates a physical and psychological shift toward her pelvis that sets up everything that follows.
Oil Selection Guide
The right oil transforms massage from a dry, friction-heavy experience into something luxurious and sensual. But not all oils are created equal, especially when massage might lead to sex — some oils destroy condoms, others cause irritation, and cheap ones leave you feeling sticky rather than smooth.
Coconut oil is the most popular choice for a reason: it’s naturally antibacterial, absorbs slowly (so you don’t need to constantly reapply), smells pleasant without being overpowering, and doubles as a lubricant. The critical caveat — coconut oil degrades latex and polyisoprene condoms. If you’re using condoms, coconut oil is off the table. Fractionated coconut oil (the liquid kind that stays liquid at room temperature) has the same properties but a lighter feel.
Sweet almond oil is the professional massage therapist’s standard. It has excellent glide, absorbs at a moderate rate, is nearly odorless, and is gentle on sensitive skin. It’s also safe with non-latex (polyurethane) condoms. If she has a nut allergy, skip this entirely — even skin contact can trigger a reaction. Grapeseed oil is the best hypoallergenic alternative with similar properties.
Jojoba oil is technically a liquid wax, which means it’s the closest thing to your skin’s natural sebum. It absorbs cleanly without leaving a greasy residue, won’t stain sheets as badly as other oils, and is safe for all skin types including acne-prone skin. The downside is that it absorbs relatively quickly, so you’ll need to reapply more often. It’s the best choice if you don’t want to deal with oily sheets afterward.
Avoid mineral oil and baby oil for erotic massage. They create a barrier on the skin rather than absorbing, which means they feel slick but don’t actually nourish the skin. They’re also difficult to wash off and can disrupt vaginal pH if they migrate. Essential oils can be added to any carrier oil for scent — ylang-ylang, sandalwood, and jasmine are associated with arousal — but always dilute them (3-5 drops per tablespoon of carrier oil) and test on a small skin area first. Never apply essential oils directly to genitals.
Transitioning from Massage to Sex
The transition from massage to sex is where most men fumble. They either make an abrupt switch — one minute rubbing her shoulders, the next grabbing her breasts — or they’re so tentative about escalating that the sexual energy never builds. The key is a gradual, seamless escalation where the boundary between massage and foreplay becomes invisible.
Use the “proximity principle”: as the massage progresses, let your strokes drift gradually closer to her erogenous zones without directly touching them. Massage her lower back, then let your hands sweep down over her glutes. Work her inner thighs, letting your fingers brush closer to her vulva with each pass. Massage her chest and décolletage, letting your palms graze the sides of her breasts. Each near-miss builds anticipation. She should be mentally begging you to touch those areas before you actually do.
When you do make contact with an erogenous zone for the first time, treat it as a continuation of the massage rather than a sexual act. When your hands finally cup her breasts, maintain the same slow, firm massage rhythm you’ve been using everywhere else. When you finally stroke between her legs, use the same oiled, gliding pressure. The consistency of touch tells her body this is one continuous experience, not two separate activities jammed together.
Pay attention to her signals during the transition. If she arches into your touch, spreads her legs slightly, or makes sounds of pleasure — she’s inviting more. Follow her pace, not yours. The transition should take at least ten to fifteen minutes from “pure massage” to “clearly sexual touch.” Rushing this phase wastes all the arousal you’ve built. The women who describe the best sexual experiences of their lives almost always describe a slow buildup where they couldn’t tell exactly when the massage ended and the sex began.
If what you like here is being the one in charge of somebody else’s experience — or being the one who does not have to decide anything — the Kink Compass will tell you which, in about four minutes.
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