Think BDSM has to involve fancy gear and a trip to a specialty store? Think again! BDSM with everyday objects can be just as thrilling, creative, and deeply satisfying—often with things you already have lying around the house. From clothespins that pinch just right to scarves that tease and bind, your home is a treasure trove of playful possibilities. This guide will show you how to explore Dom-Sub dynamics safely, sensually, and on a budget—no leather required.
Before the good stuff, a few safety tips:
Talk about what’s going on with your partner. You don’t necessarily have to tell him or her exactly what you’re planning; sometimes surprises are fun. But you don’t want to do anything your partner hates, either.
Establish a “safeword.” It’s a code word that means “stop. Really. I mean it.” You don’t want to use a word like “no” or “stop,” because sometimes you might want to work a pretend struggle into your fantasy. (I like “Kshama.”) If you use a gag, establish another way that that person can say “Enough”–one common solution is for the gagged partner to hold a bell and drop it if things get to be too much.
Keep a few things handy. Want to tie somebody up? Have some scissors on hand in case you need to get ’em loose in a hurry. Bandage scissors can be slipped beneath a rope without risk of cutting the skin. And for God’s sake, make sure you have a key before you try on those handcuffs!
Pay attention! Use common sense. Don’t rush full-tilt into things you haven’t tried yet.
Toys
This section describes fun things you can do with everyday objects in a D/s context.
Clothespins make wonderful toys. They can be clamped to all sorts of interesting parts of the body, and the sensation–especially on sensitive parts like nipples–is quite intense indeed. Furthermore, the longer they stay on, the more intense the sensation when they come off.
Clamp them to nipples, or anywhere along the breasts; along the sides, arms, legs, and thighs; and in fact almost any other place you can think of.
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Generally speaking, plastic clothespins produce more intense sensation than wooden clothespins, and small clothespins have a sharper “bite” than larger clothespins.
Make a zip strip: If you really feel adventurous, take about six wooden clothespins and drill a small hole in one handle of each one, near the end. Then, tie the clothespins along a piece of twine, leaving about four inches or so between clothespins.
The result, called a “zipper” or “zip strip,” is a series of clothespins that can be clamped in a row along your partner’s body–for example, on your partner’s belly, up along your partner’s body, over your partner’s breast, and on your partner’s nipple.
A wicked variant on this idea: tie one end of a long piece of twine to a clothespin. Run the twine through a pully in the ceiling, and attach a weight to the other end. Clamp the clothespin on your partner’s nipple (or any other suitable place!), and have your partner hold the twine in his or her teeth, so that if your partner lets go, the weight will fall and pull the clothespin off. Now, see if you can make your partner let go…
A pair of chopsticks and a couple of rubber bands can also be used to make improvised clamps. Put the chopsticks above and below nipples, or along each slide of the clitoris, and rubber-band them together at the ends.
Spanking toys are available inexpensively from a large range of sources. Wooden spoons, paint stirrers, and rubber or plastic ice scrapers of the kind you use to clear ice from a windshield all make excellent paddles. Wooden spoons are very “stingy;” the rubber ice scrapers are more of a dull “thud.”
Snake bite kits are available inexpensively from camping supply places and department stores, and include suction cups that provide a surprising amount of suction. These work quite well on nipples, and also on the clitoris.
Ordinary dental floss makes great nipple bondage. Tie a slipknot in a piece of dental floss and pull it snug on the submissive’s nipples.
Remote-controlled vibrators and butt plugs are available at most sex toy stores these days. While they’re fun to play with in their own right, in group or semi-public settings they are particularly wicked. You can, for example, equip the submissive person with a remote-controlled toy of some sort, and then go out to dinner with friends. During the evening, the friends can swap control of the remote controller device, and the submisive can try to guess who has it…
Brushes of various sorts are excellent on bare skin, especially when the submissive is blindfolded. For example, a soft brush such as a shaving or makeup brush can be alternated with a stiff brush such as a toothbrush on breasts, nipples, thighs, sides, and so on. An electric toothbrush makes a wonderful sex toy when used on a clitoris…
A bamboo skewer of the type used in the kitchen is quite an interesting sensation toy when it’s used on a bound and blindfolded person. Dragged slowly and with moderate pressure over the skin, it feels much sharper than it is; used on sensitive areas like nipples and breasts, you can make someone believe you’re actually piercing the skin with a needle, even though the skewer is blunt and won’t break skin.
Ice is a great all-purpose sex toy that can be used in a number of different ways. Of course, you can always go with the old standbys–run an ice cube over your lover’s body, especially if your lover is blindfolded and/or bound; or place an ice cube in your mouth and run your lips and tongue over your lover’s body.
A more complex variant if you have enough lead time is to make an ice dildo. To do this, you’ll need a plain unlubricated condom and the cardboard tube from the center of a roll of paper towels. Cut the cardboard tube lengthwise, then close it into a cylinder that’s as wide as you want the dildo to be, and tape it. Fill the condom with water, tie it shut, and suspend it in the tube with a piece of string; the cardboard tube will prevent the water from bulging in the dildo. Then place it upright in the freezer. In a few hours, you’ll have a seamless dildo made of ice whatever diameter you like! This can be used for vaginal or anal play; you can find illustrated step by step directions here. Note: Before penetrating anything with an ice cube, run water over it to prevent it from sticking to delicate membranes.
Bubble wrap can be used to make a great, and unusual, dildo, in virtually any width you want. Take a length of bubble wrap and roll it tightly, bubble-side out for additional texture, until it’s as thick as you like. Place a condom over the roll of bubble wrap, and use a rubber band or tape to hold the end of the condom in place.
Dice and cards also add all kinds of potentially interesting variation to your sex life. I like using things like dice and cards, because they can create an element of surprise and tension. You can make your own cards from 3×5″ index cards; or, better still, get a deck of blank playing cards from a hobby shop.
A punishment box is a good way to keep a submissive in line. Make a set of cards, each of which has an erotic punishment written on it. If the submissive misbehaves, he or she has to draw a punishment at random from the box. Or, if you prefer, make your submissive create the cards–preferably while aroused, as people who are aroused will think of devious things that people who aren’t aroused won’t.
Of course, the contents of a punishment box will depend on the people involved. One man’s idea of cruel and unusual punishment is another man’s idea of a great weekend; tastes vary, and limits vary too. Some basic punishments might include:
The submissive is not allowed to orgasm for the next two days.
The submissive will be turned over the dominant’s knee and spanked.
The submissive must wear clothespins on his or her nipples for half an hour.
The submissive will be brought to the edge of orgasm, then stop.
And so on. They can be as mild or as kinky as you like.
You can even make a game out of creating the punishment box! Tell the submissive to create a certain number of punishments each day. The dominant will review each one to make sure it is actually a punishment, and reject any that are really rewards in clever disguise. Of course, the submissive will need to be punished for each rejected card…
Meta-punishments can be fun, too. For example, one punishment card might be “Draw two more cards and accept both punishments,” or “Flip a coin: heads, you draw one card; tails, you draw two.”
Pick a Path to Adventure: This is a fun and devious technique that can make use of any of the other ideas here, and anything else you can think of. Make a list, without showing it to your partner, of questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no” or with multiple choice answers. Then ask your partner to answer each question, without telling your partner what the questions are.
For example, you might write down a list of questions such as “Will you be tied down?”, “Will you be allowed to reach orgasm?”, “Will I penetrate you anally, orally, or vaginally?”, “Will you be spanked?”, or whatever else strikes your fancy.
Don’t let your partner see the list. Ask your partner, “Choose yes or no,” “Choose yes or no,” “Choose 1, 2, or 3,” and “Choose yes or no.” Write down your partner’s answers, then do to your partner whatever their answers indicate. If oyur partner complains, you can always say “Hey, this is what you chose!”
The marble bag: Make both a punishment box (filled with cards describing things the submissive doesn’t like) and a reward box (filled with cards describing things the submissive does like), and to fill a bag with twenty marbles, ten black and ten white. (You can also use black and red checkers, or whatever else you like.) On a regular basis–say, every other night at ten o’clock–the submissive draws a marble at random, then returns it to the bag. If the submissive draws a black marble, choose a card from the punishment box; if the submissive draws a white marble, choose a card from the reward box.
This is very effective if, any time the submissive does anything disobedient or naughty, you take a white marble out of the bag and replace it with a black marble (increasing the odds of drawing a black marble), and any time the submissive does anything exceptionally worthy of praise, you remove a black marble from the bag and replace it with a white marble (increasing the odds of drawing a white marble).
Earning Points to Freedom: The premise here is that the submissive is the dominant’s sex slave, and must do anything the dominant instructs at any time until the submissive can earn his or her freedom. The submissive earns freedom by winning “points.” To earn points, the submissive agrees to perform certain actions, which are like punishments (and you can use a punishment box as a starting place for making a list of activities and their point values). Each activity has a certain number of points associated with it, which varies depending on how difficult or unpleasant the activity is. The submissive is free to choose activities to earn points any time he or she likes, but is otherwise totally the dominant’s slave until the submissive has earned 100 points, whether that takes a couple of days or a couple of weeks or a couple of months.
As with rewards and punishments, the activities and their point value will vary from person to person. A few quick ideas to get you started:
The submissive must masturbate to orgasm for the dominant’s entertainment. The first, second, third, and fourth orgasm earn, no points; each orgasm after that earns one point.
If the submissive does not ordinarily shave his or her pubic hair, the submissive must shave his or her pubic hair completely for 5 points.
Knives can make fun and psychologically powerful sex toys
You do not actually have to cut your partner in order to do knife play. A semi-sharp or pointed knife edge drawn over skin, not hard enough to break the skin, is an intense and erotically charged sensation–especially if it is combined with a blindfold. Draw the knife very slowly over your partner’s body for an emotionally intense effect.
If the knife is kept in a freezer before you use it, it can actually feel much sharper than it is; a blindfolded submissive may believe that you are actually cutting with the knife, when in fact you are not. The back, chest, thighs, and legs are excellent places for knife play.
Saran Wrap is a fun, sexy bondage implement
Bondage doesn’t always involve ropes and chains. Ordinary saran wrap works very well for bondage; your partner stands with his or her arms at their sides while you wrap them from head to foot in a coccoon of saran wrap. This is a quick, easy bondage technique that’s highly secure, and a nude person wrapped in see-through wrap is quite sexy. The saran wrap allows for all kinds of interesting sensation play, from mild play with ice cubes to more intense play with knife tips. You can spank, poke, pinch, and otherwise play with any part of your partner’s body without any ropes getting in your way; this is very effective when combined with a blindfold.
Note: A person wrapped in saran wrap can easily overheat; it’s important to take steps to keep that person cool. A fan works well for this. Also, once the saran wrap is removed, the person will tend to cool down very quickly; a warm robe is good to have handy.
Vet Wrap is another great bondage implement. Vet wrap is the same fabric material that Ace bandages are made from, but is much less expensive and available in much longer rolls. It’s also available in many colors. You can find it in pet stores or online. Like Saran wrap, it can be wrapped around a person to immobilize that person quite effectively.
A fun variant on mummification with Saran wrap or vet wrap is to do things to the submissive that will supply constant stimulation while he or she is wrapped. For example, you can penetrate the submissive vaginally and/or anally with vibrators or butt plugs, put clamps on the submissive’s nipples (tweezer clamps work well for this), or if you’re feeling particularly naughty, even use a remote-controlled vibrator or btt plug before wrapping the submissive up.
Bungee cords make interesting bondage gear. The kind you can find in a hardware store for securing loads in a car also are excellent for restraining someone. Pad or cover the place where the hooks meet the cord, and latch the cords around the bed. Bungee cords are deceptive; a person bound this way may feel like he or she can escape, but they’re surprisingly secure.
Ritual can be a very powerful technique in domination and submission. A submissive can be required to perform certain rituals, automatically and without prompting, at certain times or during certain events.
For example, you might create a ritual where the submissive is required to masturbate to orgasm every time he or she showers or bathes. This is an expected and required part of the process; the submissive should not need to be prompted.
A more risque ritual might require a submissive to find some way to masturbate to orgasm at least twice per week while at work.
Dice or other randomizing elements can be integrated into ritual, as well, One possibility, for example, is to require the submissive to roll a die each morning; the submissive’s responsibility then becomes to have exactly that many orgasms that day, by whatever means necessary.